This post originally appeared on Annery at Home in October 2012.
Today marks the 2 year anniversary of my due date with our little saint Mara Celand. I was only seven weeks along when I had a near-fatal ectopic rupture on March 1, 2010. Of course, there's no way to know if it was a boy or girl, but I think of the baby as a girl. The thought of our only boy being the one we lost makes the memory a little more painful, so I think of the baby as a girl. "Mara" is a form of Mary, which means "bitter" and "Celand" means "destined for heaven". It was a bitter thing that after 4 years of trying, our baby was destined for heaven, her name is almost as much description as name and was a part of my healing process.
Her loss is not as sad as it used to be. There is still a regret or sadness and the occasional falling tears that she was not destined for a long life in this world, but she is our little intercessor and shares her feast with Bl. Pope John Paul II today. Sometimes a sad moment strikes, and I've spoken of her occasionally. I think it's important to remember our family separated from us for now. I can't bring myself to make a cake today, but I am taking time to make a home-cooked meal for my family. There is bread rising on the stove-top right now.
The book of Jeremiah, especially 29:11 has been the thread of my life the last few years. "For I know the plans I have for you" says the Lord. "Plans to prosper you, not to harm you; to give you hope and a future." That promise has kept me holding on more than once. As I look at my beautiful 15 month old foster daughter today, I know that she wouldn't be in this house, with this family without the loss of Mara. Three months after I lost Mara, my husband and I started the process of becoming foster parents. Thirteen months after that, I brought home a beautiful, perfect two-day old baby girl. She has blessed our family richly. When she was 4 weeks old, we found out we were expecting again. I truly believe God has called us to walk the path we're on. We are supposed to be the parents, for however long he chooses, to our foster daughter and our 4 month old was a true gift for answering the call to serve Him. Each of our girls is precious and today I remember the one who helped our family look beyond our own walls and reach out to find our little SB. Sometimes our blessings do come in rain drops.
As I sit here, so richly blessed and thankful for each of my treasures, I shed tears for the one I will only get to meet in heaven. Saint Mara Celand and Blessed Pope John Paul II, pray for us.